Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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