Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
