Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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