my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize