i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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