My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
