I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
