A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize