At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
