to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
