Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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