Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
