If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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