From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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