You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
