One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
