did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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