We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
