I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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