If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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