i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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