Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
