Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
