Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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