My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize