You just made me feel so damn special
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize