I'm drive I can fine osifer
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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