I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
