i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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