we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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