So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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