I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
