If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
