Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
