I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
