i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
