at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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