the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
