oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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