I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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