And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
