just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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