Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
cat food counts as protein by the way
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
