First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
