The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
