the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
