I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I accidentally burped into my bong.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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