You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
