dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
