the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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