Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
