i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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