just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
