my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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