As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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