do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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