i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
