I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
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