why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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