Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
