Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
