My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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