You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
