and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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