Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
