actually, I'm a sock model
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
