I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
